Recently, I read a blog post on the Motherly blog about raising a daughter not to be polite and I cannot say that I entirely agree. What is so wrong with politeness?
The blog post stated, and I quote, "I will not teach my daughter that she needs to morph into a watered-down version of herself to make other people more comfortable." Personally, I believe that encouraging a little person not to be a watered down version of themselves is a concept worth nurturing. However, not to the extent that other people's feelings are purposely hurt. Why can you not be yourself and still have consideration of other's feelings.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves" Philippians 2:3
These days it appears to be widely advertised that being polite or courteous is a sign of weakness, particularly in girls. This particular blog post stated, "I have spent the better part of my adult life unlearning conditioned behaviors—smile, be sweet, go along—enforced by a culture that teaches women that our value is defined by the way other people see us". If this is the case, why not teach our little girls to be confident in who they are and if someone tries to define them differently, in a hurtful way, then there is a situation when your mind ought to be spoken. However, teaching a little girl to ALWAYS speak her mind, to be unrestrained with no consideration at all for others or a particular situation is simply unhelpful. Selfishness is not the answer to being disrespected as a female.
I understand that the blog post was trying to say that girls shouldn't always feel the need to be polite in a situation where they feel like they cannot speak their mind. However the ability to understand the difference between speaking your mind and hurting others when it wasn't necessary, is something I consider to be a greater value to instill. I do not understand why teaching a child not to be selfish and to consider other people's feelings is a trait not to be encouraged. If anything, I consider the ability to teach a little person to be kind and to value others above oneself to be a far greater quality than to be selfishly "yourself". I believe instilling self-confidence in addition to respect and politeness to hold a lot greater value as she grows.
No one is asking a little person to not be themselves, but rather asking parents to teach them to have the confidence to know that others do not define them, that sometimes others need to be put first. Encouraging a little girl to compliment another on her dress even if she doesn't think so is more about how you are making the other person feel rather than about you. A simple compliment can be the difference between that other person's good day or bad day. It doesn't always have to be about you, nor does making another feel comfortable mean you are weak. What if every child was encouraged to be an unapologetically "unwatered-down version" of herself in a classroom? It would be chaos! I think encouraging that type of behaviour will only hinder her ability to adapt in adult situations, or to ever be the bigger person. Can you imagine how disappointing life would be?
What ever happened to 'treat others how you wish to be treated'? Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is compassion and respect. Kindness is greatness. If we were all a little kinder to each other, don't you think the world would be a much nicer place to be than if we all raised our children to be unrestrained?
Kindness is not weakness. Kindness is compassion and respect. Kindness is greatness.
To help build others up according to their needs also builds your own character. After all, right now is the season for giving back, paying it forward, helping those in need. None of those actions are weakness. As for me and my little girl, she will have self-confidence but also be compassionate, polite and considerate of others and she will be a stronger person for it.
This is just my opinion.
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